Philoscifi

On the brink of destruction, the world desperately needs a Hero. Phil Safari, a reluctant Candidate, must prove himself worthy to the gods by completing a Heroic Task: change 1000 lives for the better… or else! The following is part of the Safaris – a collection of Phil’s misadventures in Heroism. Find out how it all started and what he has learned about love, life, and the pursuit of happiness.

“Hey, Phil. How’s it going?”

I turned around and did a double take. It was my friend, Jamie Daze.

“Woah, I didn’t know you worked here!”

“Yeah, how do you think you got this job? I saw your name in the stack of resumes for the open position and put in a good word for you. You owe me, and don’t you forget it!” she chided me. “I hope you aren’t too mad,” she added sheepishly.

I laughed. Classic Jamie, always apologizing unnecessarily. “So that’s what happened. I was wondering how I got an interview without getting outright rejected for being grossly overqualified. For the opportunity to get flayed alive by Dr. Rhame in person, I thank you.” I bowed.

”Haha. I’m sure that’s not too far from the truth. I’ve been here since August, but I was out all last week. How has your first week been?”

“Hmm…I guess ‘interesting’ is the word I would use to describe it. I actually don’t have too much time to chat right now, but how about meeting up for lunch later?”

“Sure thing. My cube is just round the corner. Come find me when you are ready to go. It’s a nice day for a walk, and I know a few good places near here.”

I glanced nervously at my watch. Great, Zeus was in a bad mood again. It may be a great day outside, but the only forecast I cared about called for lightning.

“Uh…actually can we drive wherever we are going? I sort of hurt my ankle playing ball this weekend.”

“Oh…sure.”

Later at lunch, I elaborated on my previous comments.

“So, I’ve only been here a week, but I suspect that this place is a black hole. Seriously. The normal law physics do not apply here. 8 hours here feels like 12, and any given task takes three times longer than it should. The space-time anomaly seems to be affecting the people here too…or maybe the people are causing it. For example, there is some sort of drama going on between my compadres up at the front desk.”

Jamie started laughing and choked her sandwich. When she was able to speak again, she said, “You think? I don’t really know what’s going on, and I don’t want to. You know that you were hired to help fix this problem, right?”

“Sure, whatever that means. All I can really do is not participate in it. Hey, you know what the problem is? There is way too much estrogen in this joint. I know it’s crude, but it’s like a harem. It’s only been a week, and I’ve already seen all sorts of scheming, backstabbing, and cat fighting going on. That’s probably only the tip of the iceberg too.”

“Harem? Woah there; keep your male fantasies to yourself! Not the term I would use, but you are right about the behavior.”

“Pleeease. They have no redeeming qualities as far as I can tell, either looks or personality. I wouldn’t touch any ladies there with a ten foot pole – well, except maybe you.”

“Hey!” Her jab just grazed my arm as I expertly dodged, laughing.

“What? That was a compliment!”

“Riiight. Well, I hope that you are prepared for the long haul; I don’t think it’s going to change anytime soon.”

“Yeah. This is the government; gotta expect a little stupidity. I can handle it.”

I didn’t know it then but my resolve would be sorely tested in the months to come.

Have you also discovered evidence of black holes on earth? Help me verify my theory by posting below, and I’ll share my Nobel Prize with you!

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