Philoscifi

On the brink of destruction, the world desperately needs a Hero. Phil Safari, a reluctant Candidate, must prove himself worthy to the gods by completing a Heroic Task: change 1000 lives for the better… or else! The following is part of the Safaris – a collection of Phil’s misadventures in Heroism. Find out how it all started and what he has learned about love, life, and the pursuit of happiness.

I’m not a trained writer. It was obvious no one was going to pay me to write, so I needed a job - preferably one that didn’t leave me too tired and crabby after work to write. I had a few options, but my favorite was an admin job at the City and Community Central Planning Office, or C3PO, as I called it. The office was just blocks from my apartment, and it sounded mindless and stable. Perfect.

I could tell this was going to be a fun place to work from the moment I stepped into the office for my interview. It was like high school region band tryout all over again. I sat in a hallway, and the competition sat directly across from me. Talk about awkward. Twenty minutes after the scheduled interview time, a spry, slightly built man finally bounded out of his office to greet us.

“Sorry to keep you waiting. I’m Terry Karazhy, the Admin Manager here, but everyone calls me Tank. Welcome to Soviet Union, comrades.”

I liked him already. CCCP, eh? I hadn’t thought about that one. Tank seemed like such a misnomer; it was a name more befitting the figure that soon emerged from the neighboring office. He was large bronzed man, easily twice Tank’s size, and was much more serious - even a little intimidating.

“Hello. I am Dr. Rhame, Director of CCCPO. Let’s get started.” His accent was thick and difficult to place. Somewhere in Eastern Europe, I would imagine.

To my relief, they decided to interview us simultaneously. I was to start with Tank and the other candidate with Dr. Rhame.

My interview with Tank was by far the strangest I have ever had. He just talked and talked, proceeding to paint a surrealist nightmare of an office that was straight out of Brazil. Staff feuded with each other; everyone had their own way of doing things; and it took three times as long to do anything here compared to the outside world.

A little voice in my head cried out, “Run, Phil, ruunn!” What I needed was a stress-free job that gave me time to write in my spare time; not this unmitigated disaster. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this might be the perfect place to work. Anything I did here would be an improvement, which might translate into a few extra hits on my counter. I guess it was worth a shot.

Tank started to repeat himself after about thirty minutes, so I felt like I had to say something.

I cleared my throat. “So…do you have any questions for me?”

“Not really. You are obviously overqualified for this job. I just wanted to make sure you understood what you would be getting into. Dr. R will be making the decision.”

Five minutes later, I was sitting in Dr. Rhame’s office, face to face with the head honcho.

“Why do you want this job?” Very direct; I like that. Finally a question I could answer.

“Well, if you look at my resume, virtually all my experience is government or non-profit. I want to help people and the community.”

“Yes, yes. But why do you want to work here?”

“This office does important work, including emergency planning. Sounds like you and Tank are committed to creating a new culture here, a new team. I want to be a part of that.”

“This is true, but it will take awhile. How do we know you will stay long enough to get it done? We require a minimum of two years commitment.”

OMG, this is so much BS. In WoW parlance, it was like walking up to an instance boss who turns out to be bugged and is harder than a 40-man raid boss. I expected having to justify my interest in this job, but this was ridiculous!

I don’t remember what I replied. In fact, I don’t really remember the rest of the day. All I remember was going home really tired and taking a long nap. Whatever I said, it must have been good because I got a call a few weeks later saying I was hired.

Have you had a similar experience? Post below; I’d love to hear about it.

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