Favorite lawyer jokes
By: Phil Safari on Apr 06 2010Category: Funny
Here are my favorite lawyer jokes. Please add yours in the comments below!
How can you tell that an attorney is about to lie? His lips begin to move.
Why don’t snakes bite attorneys? Professional courtesy.
How can you tell the difference between an attorney and a coyote lying dead in the road? With the coyote, you usually see skid marks.
What do you get if you send the Godfather to law school? An offer you can’t understand.
A mother and son were walking through a cemetery and passed by a headstone inscribed, “Here lies a good lawyer and a honest man.” The little boy asked, “Mommy, why did they bury two men there?”
A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were arguing which of their professions was the oldest. The physician said, “Remember that on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Thus, medicine is the oldest profession.” The engineer replied, “But before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, making him the first engineer. So engineering is older than medicine.” Then the lawyer said, “Yes, but who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?”
A young lawyer, starting up his private practice, was very anxious to impress potential clients. Seeing his first visitor come through the door, he immediately picked up his phone and spoke into it: “I’m sorry, but my caseload is so large that I can’t look into your problem for at least a month. I’ll have to get back to you then.” He then turned to his visitor and said, “Now, what can I do for you?” “Nothing,” replied the man. “I’m here to hook up your phone.”
A quote attributed to one of America’s founders, John Adams, in the play 1776: “I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, two men are called a law firm, and three or more become a Congress.”
A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that he had a rare, incurable disease and that he had only six months to live. “Isn’t there anything I can do?” the patient asked. “Marry a lawyer,” answered the doctor. “It will be the longest six months of your life.”
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