Philoscifi

On the brink of destruction, the world desperately needs a Hero. Phil Safari, a reluctant Candidate, must prove himself worthy to the gods by completing a Heroic Task: change 1000 lives for the better… or else! The following is part of the Safaris – a collection of Phil’s misadventures in Heroism. Find out how it all started and what he has learned about love, life, and the pursuit of happiness.

As I grew more and more depressed about work and the futility of my Heroic Task, I spent more and more time playing World of Warcraft (WoW). I tried to rationalize it as just a phase, but I knew deep down that this was a lie. Jake and I were Warcrack addicts, plain and simple. We finally admitted it one day over Vent (Ventrillo, a voice-chat program commonly used by WoW players).

“WoW sucks.”

I laughed. “Then why do you keep to play?”

“Because I’m addicted, foo’!” Jake Sunwell was nothing if not direct. “And even though I bitch and moan about the grinds, crappy guildies, and ridiculously low drop rates, it still represents progress. Here, you know that if you put in enough time and effort, you will eventually achieve the results you want. You can’t say the same about real life.”

“Ah, what you really mean that ‘WoW sucks your life away.’ It’s like a drug - a depressant - you need it, but it actually makes you feel worse.”

“Hey, I could use some drugs right now. My back has been acting up lately…probably because I’ve been sitting in this chair long enough to leave an ass-print.”

“Yeah, I noticed; you’re always on. I shudder to think what you must look like these days.”

“@#$% you! Don’t worry, you’ll find out when you look in the mirror pretty soon. You are my protégé.”

I laughed. “Sad but true. All this self-destruction for a piece of armor that is 2% better than the one you already have to strap on your digital self.”

“Well, no - supposedly it’s also for the team work, sense of accomplishment, and recognition that comes from downing raid bosses. But with the invention of welfare epics and badge gear, any fool can get the same quality gear with a lot less work. Honestly, there is no reason to put up with all the guild drama except the fact I ain’t got shit else to do.”

“Why should it matter what other people are wearing? The gear you have helps you accomplish your main goal: clearing raids. So what if Blizzard creates alternate ways for other people to get epic gear?”

“How can you feel good when noobs that spend one weekend AFKing BGs or a few hours doing 10 arena matches per week can have the same quality gear as you who toiled for weeks or months in raids? People don’t live in a vacuum – we constantly compare ourselves to others. Men compare dicks sizes; that’s what we do. Women do it too, just not with dicks. People haven’t changed; why would it be any different in the digital world?”

Classic Jake. Vulgar yet insightful. “Alright, I get it, but all I’m saying is that you can’t control that. You might as well try to be constructive since you in this for the long haul. Let’s start with guild drama. Why do you think it happens, and is there any way to avoid it?”

“Why? Because the best WoW players are usually either immature teens or unbearable asshats. Put them on the same team that repeatedly goes into high pressure situations for drops that only satisfy a few of them at a time, and you got yourself a recipe for disaster. How do you avoid it? Simple: don’t raid or go join a family guild. Either way, you’re going to be bored in the endgame.

“You’re just not aware of all this yet because you are still relatively new. When you’ve played as long as I, you’ll see.”

“Okaaay… so what’s the point in continuing? If it’s as hopeless as you make it sound, real life seems preferable. With your abilities, you could achieve a lot if you applied the same level of intensity in real life.”

“Yeah, that’ll never happen. Look, I’m a team player; I do whatever it takes to help the team. I’m also a jack of all trade. I’m not great at any one thing, but I’m pretty decent at a number of things. What I want is to be a part of a great team that’s doing something significant.

“Where can I achieve that in real life? In every job I’ve worked, people are either unmotivated, incompetent, scheming, self-interested, or all the above. In the working world, it’s all about credit, and there is no credit for filling in the cracks. No one wants a jack; everyone wants a specialist. I’m sick of not being able to use my skills, being taken for granted, and all that BS.

“Yeah, I know what you’re thinking: you just haven’t found the right team. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not so cynical as to think that such a team is sheer fantasy, but I’m tired of looking for it.

“So really WoW is the only viable outlet for me. It’s a game with clear-cut rules, strategies, and progression. Tired of tanking? It’s easy to respec, create alts, or reroll. Helping the team means advancement both in content and your gear. Simply put, you get freedom and a sense of satisfaction that just aren’t readily available in real life. A lot of people I know are addicted to WoW for this same reason.”

“Hey, you’re preaching to the choir, dude. I know exactly how you feel, but I’m not ready to give up on life just yet.”

“That’s cuz you’re still young and idealistic. When you reach a certain point in life, you pretty much know what you are and where you stand. When you get there, you’ll know what I mean.”

I know what I am: a plaything of the gods. “Nope, I’m pretty sure I’ll keep trying until I die.” What choice do I have?

“Ha! Come talk to me in a few years.”

It didn’t even take that long. A few weeks later, I was just as jaded as Jake. Like master like apprentice.

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