Philoscifi

On the brink of destruction, the world desperately needs a Hero. Phil Safari, a reluctant Candidate, must prove himself worthy to the gods by completing a Heroic Task: change 1000 lives for the better… or else! The following is part of the Safaris – a collection of Phil’s misadventures in Heroism. Find out how it all started and what he has learned about love, life, and the pursuit of happiness.

As was customary after a long day at work, I logged into Azeroth. At least in the World of Warcraft I knew that if I put in enough time, I would get the results I wanted. You can’t say that about the real world. Besides, it was really the only way I could find my friend, Jake Sunwell, who ceased to exist outside his female gnome warriors ever since he was laid off a few weeks ago.

Aeriska (my hot night-elf druid): what’s up, jake? how was your raid?

Razzlebop (Jake’s giggly pink haired gnome warrior): shitty as usual; i’m probably gonna quit this guild soon. there are too many people who can’t play their toons, but they’ll never get booted because they’re real life friends of the officers. “hardcore raiding guild?” what bs.

Aeriska: sorry, bud. your whining is exactly why i’m pretty sure i’ll never raid. it is too hard to find capable people who can devote the time needed to raid successfully, at least alliance side. too many immature teenagers who like to play the pretty characters. you should have rolled horde.

Razzlebop: nah, no good female toons.

Aeriska: lol. well then, this is yodf (your own damn fault).

Razzlebop: har. how was your day?

Aeriska: i’ve had better. i had a bizarre conversation with my boss, which was strangely similar to your gripe just now. i’m not saying he’s wrong, but he could use the people he has better, especially since it’s so hard to get new blood there.

Razzlebop: oh, so you mean he’s like jvg? (JVG – as in Jeff Van Gundy, who had a penchant for reducing teams to playing a grind-it-out, low scoring style of basketball, including my adopted team, the Rockets. So you want to go there, eh, Jake? No worries; it was easy to get him back when his hometown team was the Knicks)

Aeriska: hey, he’s a good guy and a great commentator. jvg’s only problem is not adapting to a changed game. if you can’t score yourself, then the only way to win is to stop your opponent cold – something that’s impossible to do in today’s game. but at least no one could accuse him of not knowing his stuff. now isaiah thomas on the other hand…

Razzlebop: @$#%! okay, you win. omg, just don’t say his name again. he’s the worst gm in nba history, but at least that piece of shit is gone now.

Aeriska: well, he’s a decent talent scout. the quickest way for the knicks to improve is through the draft since no gm is dumb enough to trade for those bad contracts he collected. well, except maybe chris wallace of the memphis grizzlies since he basically donated pau gasol to the lakers’ championship drive. at least they didn’t win it.

Razzlebop: true. but back to jvg. what’s wrong with having your own style of play? that’s the coach’s call. besides, everyone knew that was his style before he was hired. in fact, that style is arguably better for t-mac and yao than run-n-gun. they won 50+ games with it, and the old rockets won championships with a similar style.

Aeriska: you’re right. but the rules were different back then, and olajuwon in the post was a thing of beauty. i guess that i should clarify. it’s the uncompromising commitment to the style that’s the problem, not the style itself. jvg didn’t develop any rookies or much of a bench, and he never played anyone who didn’t buy into the system, no matter how talented he was. come playoff time, he always had a bunch of tired/injured veterans to battle against younger, deeper, and more athletic teams.

Aeriska: that’s just not a smart use of resources. talent needs to be developed to be useful. you are paying them anyway; might as well put them to work. a good leader adapts to the situation as needed.

Razzlebop: i guess so. alright, i’m tired of typing. you need anything?

Aeriska: run my alt through zf?

Razzlebop: sure.

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