Philoscifi

On the brink of destruction, the world desperately needs a Hero. Phil Safari, a reluctant Candidate, must prove himself worthy to the gods by completing a Heroic Task: change 1000 lives for the better… or else! The following is part of the Safaris – a collection of Phil’s misadventures in Heroism. Find out how it all started and what he has learned about love, life, and the pursuit of happiness.

“Philkilles” slammed the door and stormed onto the street. Deprived of his traditional stress relief, Philkilles resorted to drastic measures – he went to a bar. Now to you this may be laughable, but Philkilles had sworn off alcohol ever since the incident ten years ago that started this slow descent into Hell.

So here he was at the Hurricane Lounge, drowning his woes in overpriced drinks but feeling no much better. If fact, he getting sleepy and feeling even more depressed. His alcohol tolerance being crap from years of neglect, and Philkilles was ready to go after a few shots and a nasty beer. He stopped by the bar for some water to rinse out the aftertaste when a commotion a few tables away caught his attention.

“C’mon, honey, let me buy you a drink.”

“I said no. Haven’t you heard – no means no.”

“Except when it means yes. I can see it in your eyes.”

Philkilles sized up the situation detachedly. Two large, drunken, dumb jocks were harassing a brunette with flashing green eyes. She looked about to saying something inflammatory. Now, I would have known to mind my own business in situations like this, but there was a new sheriff in town today. Maybe it was the liquid courage, his death wish, or the allure of those green eyes, but before I knew what was happening, he had already walked up to them and said,

“Hey guys, how about leaving her alone? She’s taken. Isn’t that right, babe?”

Biceps and No-Neck turned around and stared blankly at Philkilles. They could easily pile drive all 160 of Philkilles into the barroom floor, and it was only a matter of time before they realized this. His hands tightened around the empty beer bottle he was carrying. He wasn’t going down without a fight. Philkilles was outwardly calm, but I was panicking inside. WTF, I’m about die for a chick I don’t even know!

Philkilles needed help and fast. He glanced quickly and locked eyes with the girl. Anger had been replaced by surprise, and her jaw had snapped shut. Then there was a flash of recognition. She stood up and slammed her fist on the table in mock anger.

“About damn time, Johnny! Jesus Christ, what took you so long?”

I sighed in relief. “Sorry, babe. Got caught up at the office. I came as soon as I could.”

She stomped her foot indignantly. “I don’t want to hear your lame excuses. Get over here now!” God, she was good!

“Yes, ma’am.” Philkilles sat down next to her. “Thanks, guys, I can take it from here.”

Grumbling, the two men reluctantly shuffled off, and she sank wearily into the chair next to me.

“And this is why I don’t go to bars,” she sighed. “I don’t know how to thank you. That was very brave of you.”

“How about letting me buy you a drink?” I asked, surprised to hear my own voice. Finally, no more Philkilles. I had regained control of my body!

She tensed up and then relaxed when she saw the stupid grin on my face.

She laughed. “Sure, why not? Bartender, I’ll have whatever he’s having…what is that? Vodka?”

“Uh…actually it’s just water.”

“Oh. Nevermind then. Interesting choice there…well, I can’t go on calling you, ‘Johnny.’ I’m Evie.”

“Phil. It’s good to meet you.” Nice firm handshake.

“What sort of guy goes to a bar to drink water?”

“Well, this is not really my scene. I did a few drinks earlier,” I said, waving the empty beer bottle around, “But this beer was so nasty that I had to wash out the aftertaste.”

“And then you proceeded to carry the bottle around in self-defense?”

I laughed. She was really easy to talk to; I liked her already. “Something like that. No, it’s for recycle. I wasn’t sure they’d recycle it, so I was taking the bottle home with me.”

Evie cocked her head and laughed. “You are one odd one, Phil. To be honest, this isn’t my scene either. I don’t want to keep you from anything, but I would love to continue this conversation.” Somewhat hesitantly, she asked, “Would you like to go somewhere like a café? I know a good one near here.”

“Sure, that would be great.”

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