Philoscifi

On the brink of destruction, the world desperately needs a Hero. Phil Safari, a reluctant Candidate, must prove himself worthy to the gods by completing a Heroic Task: change 1000 lives for the better… or else! The following is part of the Safaris – a collection of Phil’s misadventures in Heroism. Find out how it all started and what he has learned about love, life, and the pursuit of happiness.

Phil is not Achilles, but he could have been mistaken for him today. “Philkilles…” yeah, that’s what I’ll call him. It has a nice ring to it.

“I don’t think, I know who I am - a person who cannot stand injustice. And you, sir, are a terrible leader. No wonder this place is such a disaster.”

Philkilles’ voice was cold, hard steel, his eyes blazed. I watched in rapt fascination as shock registered on the managers’ faces, radiating out and hitting Stan like a physical blow at the other end of the room. This must be an atomic bomb looks like at ground zero.

Stan’s facial contortions will be ingrained in my memory for a long time. First, his eyes grew large, much larger than I every thought eyes could get. Then they disappear as he scrunched his face as if he had sucked on a lemon.

When he could speak, he sputtered, “How dare you speak to me that way! You will regret this.”

“No, how dare you. My only regret that I did not say this long ago. You are a waste of taxpayer money. Instead of serving the public, you’ve created a personal entourage of idiots who can do no wrong and a culture where honest employees are marginalized. If that wasn’t bad enough, now you are accusing your managers of racism despite strong evidence to the contrary.

“Using the race card as a weapon is truly despicable and an insult to every self respecting black American who advances on his own merit. You are a sorry excuse for a leader and a disgrace to the black community.”

Philkilles watched with satisfaction as Stan struggled in vain to speak. He clutched at his tie, frantically trying to loosen it as if he could not breathe. Veins bulged in Stan’s neck, and he began frothing at the mouth. After what seemed like an eternity, a strange gurgling sound emanated from his throat that slowly amplified into an inhuman shriek.

“Get out! Get the @#$% out of my building!! You’re fired!”

Philkilles threw back his head and laughed. “This is too funny. You can’t fire me just because you hate me, you worthless tool. You need a better reason. Or have you forgotten that the same rules that protect your worthless sycophants protect me as well?”

Sensing that he could not win, Stan decided to cut his losses. He didn’t get to his position by being that stupid. “What’s your name?” he hissed.

“Phil. Phil Safari.”

“Phil Safari – I’ll remember that name,” Stan said softly.

“Yeah, you do that.”

With that, Philkilles walked out of the room.

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