Philoscifi

On the brink of destruction, the world desperately needs a Hero. Phil Safari, a reluctant Candidate, must prove himself worthy to the gods by completing a Heroic Task: change 1000 lives for the better… or else! The following is part of the Safaris – a collection of Phil’s misadventures in Heroism. Find out how it all started and what he has learned about love, life, and the pursuit of happiness.

Zaris was an old friend of mine from college. I’m not even sure how I met him; I think it was through basketball. We soon discovered that we had a lot in common, but our approaches and attitudes toward life differed dramatically. This made for interesting conversation sometimes. He was a good guy, but he could be annoying as hell too…

“Zaris, why did you give me this swill to read?” I said, waving a copy of The Catcher in the Rye around in my hand. “It sucks. I can only slog through a few pages at a time before I can’t take anymore. The guy is such a loser.”

Zaris looked up from the book he was reading and hissed, “Goddammit, Phil, keep your voice down. This is a library after all.”

“Uhh…library? Dude, this is Barnes and Noble’s.”

“Well, it’s my goddamn library. And I gave you that book because it’s a goddamn classic. Plus, I thought you might get something out of it.”

“Like what? How to be a worthless POS? I’m halfway though, and all Holden has done is get kicked out of school, lie, and obsess about sex. Oh, and say ‘goddamn’ ever few lines. You better stop that; it’s annoying as hell.”

Zaris burst out laughing, and a few of the nearby patrons gave us dirty looks. “Alright. Yeah, he’s a little bitch, but it’s an accurate depiction of teenage alienation and angst. Holden’s not a bad guy; he just has no discipline or direction.”

“So…this is suppose to be a cautionary tale for me; is that it? Thanks, buddy, but I got direction. And even if I didn’t, at least I try. Holden doesn’t do jack. As far as I can tell, he has no redeeming qualities.”

“Keeping reading; it gets better. Well, that’s good. I was getting a little worried about you. You’ve been complaining more than usual lately – and that’s a lot,” Zaris chuckled. “No offense, but what is your direction? You keep switching careers that it’s hard to tell. I do that too, but I never claimed that I had direction.”

Usually I gave Zaris the standard “I want to help people” refrain because I knew he would probably laugh at the truth. But he seemed sincere this time, so in my moment of weakness, I started to tell him the truth. You know, how Zeus came down from the heavens on my 21st birthday and…Zaris laughed like the jackass that he is.

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