Seekers live in vain?
By: Phil Safari on Sep 04 2009Category: Story2
Phil Safari is no more, shattered into a million pieces. Will a hero emerge from the ashes, and will it be in time? Find out in this second chapter of the Safaris
“Ah, Siddhartha…” I said, glancing at the book in Evie’s hand. “I read it just before you came. Siddhartha is the man who would be Buddha, yet he chooses not to follow him and opts to find his own way to Enlightenment.
“He and I have a lot on in common. I’ve always been attracted to religion, but I could never accept it for some reason. It’s too neatly packaged…too easy. I guess I’m a glutton for punishment. Apparently for me, things must be hard to be worthwhile, to be true.”
“So what happened to him in the end?”
“Oh, he reaches Enlightenment after a long, hard journey. In the end, he finally understood the world and his place in it.”
“What about you? If you guys are so much alike, are you close to Enlightenment?”
“Me?” I laughed. “Hardly. I’m probably the furthest you can be from Enlightenment.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because the more I learn about the world, the more pissed off I get. It’s like I’m going the opposite direction. Instead of peace and acceptance, sometimes I feel that blowing things up and starting over isn’t such a bad idea.”
“If that’s how you feel, then isn’t your decision easy? Just say ‘no’ to the hero gig. If the world burns, so be it.”
“If only it were that simple,” I sighed. “Every time I start going that route, I find a reason not to. The last two times, it was you: both the first time we met and again yesterday. If I believed in God, I would say that He was trying to get me to save the world, despite all my unfavorable experiences. So I’m stuck in the middle.”
Evie gnawed on her pencil absentmindedly as she processed what I had said. I smiled. She looked like a puppy dog.
After a few moments, she nodded as if coming to a decision. She sat up and said, “I think we need to take a different approach with you. As you know, I counsel a lot of troubled teens. They tend to be overly emotional, so getting them to slow down and think helps give them perspective. You, on the other hand, need to unthink. It sounds like you think so much that you’ve lost touch with your feelings. We aren’t robots; emotions are just as important as reason in healthy decision-making.
“So let’s take each of your current beliefs and find out how you really feel about it. You may be surprised at the results. Once you have reconnected with your feelings, I think your decision won’t be as hard.”
“Alright.”
“Ok, from what you’ve told me, it sounds like you are taking an all-or-none approach. You expect the world to be either good or evil, but why should it conform to our standards? We didn’t create it. The world was here before us, and it will continue to exist long after we’re gone.
“What if the world just is? It’s neither black nor white. It’s gray, and the particular shade depends on the experiences we choose to remember.”
I scratch my stubble beard. I really needed to shave. “Hmm, that sounds reasonable enough, even if it offends my purist sensibilities. I guess that makes me a dark gray since I’m biased toward negative memories. I suppose this habit started after the…uh…accident .”
“Your negative memories outnumber your positive ones, yet you still feel torn. What does that tell you about the value of the positive ones?”
“Uh, that each one is worth more on average than the negative ones?”
“Excellent!” Evie clapped her hands, and I felt my face flush with pleasure. As childish as it might be, it felt good to be praised, especially by her. “Now, just how valuable are they? Are they worth protecting?”
I sat silently for several moments, stunned. I had never thought about it from this angle before. Are truth, love, and beauty, worth it? The question seemed trivial, the answer obvious. “Yes. Life would not be worth living without them.”
“See, that wasn’t hard, was it?” she asked. I shook my head. “Now, there is one more thing I’d like for you to reconsider while we’re on a roll. You say that the last 10 years were a waste, but is that really true? Would you have gotten the insights you now possess any other way?”
“No, probably not.”
“So, maybe it wasn’t a total waste. Maybe the struggle was necessary?”
“I guess.”
“Well, I’d say this is progress! Wouldn’t you?”
“Yeah.”
“Come on…say it like you mean it!”
“Yeah!!” I laughed, and it felt really good. A real goodhearted laugh.
“That’s better.” Evie stared off into the distance and said softly, “Seekers don’t live in vain, though they often think so. They forget that the journey matters much more than the end.”
“You’re right. But even if I agree that my life is worth living and the world is worth saving, I still don’t know if I’m Hero material or not.”
“We’re not there yet,” Evie sighed. “One step at a time…one step at a time. I’m not a miracle worker, you know.”
“Sorry, didn’t mean to rush you,” I said apologetically. “I feel much better already. With such an amazing and attractive counselor, who wouldn’t?”
“Mr. Safari, are you flirting with me?” Evie asked, arching an eyebrow.
“And what if I am?” I asked slyly.
“Well, if you can behave yourself, there might be a reward for you at the end.”
“Wooo…it’s a deal! Ok, what’s next?”
Evie looked around. “How about those videos in that stack over there?”
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